Four things a person can do with a paperclip? Paperclips are extremely multipurpose. Aside from the typical uses like “holding papers together” and “holding large sums of money but being too frugal or broke to own a wallet or actual money clip”, you can use them for many wonderful and helpful tasks.
- Microsoft Office Assistant Prank
Purchase a fairly large paperclip (see: Ebay or Amazon) and a pair of googly eyes and walk around being as irritating as possible- correcting grammar, popping up out of nowhere, asking unnecessary questions and just hassling any person you run into. This fun game can be played anywhere, but bonus points for completing it inside your “office” for the extra pun points.
- Paperclip Stick ‘n’ Poke
Have you ever wanted hepatitis? Well I’ve got the tool for you! Paperclips! Have you ever felt like procrastinating so much in the office that you felt the need to permanently etch yourself with ink you pooled from the company pen and realized that you don’t have any sterile needles or tattoo guns? Of course, the next best option is the paperclip! The boxes and boxes of paperclips that your employers wished you were using to hold your paperwork together can now be used to make decisions that you’ll regret for the rest of your life.
- Holding Up Your Zipper
Have you been wearing the same shorts or pants for the last eight years and it’s getting to the point where your zipper just can’t stay up on its own anymore? No judgment here! I’ve got a solution for your problem- loop the paperclip through the hole in the zipper and then slide it around your button! Ta-dah! You can make these pants last until they’re tattered and falling off of your body or until your friends and family beg you to buy new clothes.
- Office Martinis
Do you like to wind down with martinis on the weekend (or Monday morning- who’s asking?) but you REALLY miss the office-lifestyle and just need a little something to remind you of your colleagues and the entire task-list that you have in the upcoming week? Forgo the olive on a toothpick for an olive on a paperclip! Not only can you clip it onto the side of the martini, but the lingering metallic taste pairs really well with vermouth.
Tiny metal pretzel or gift from God*? You decide.
*Religious views implied in this article may not reflect the opinions of the author